I already ran though her facebook a thousand times, I know her updates and new blog projects by heart. And I ask myself everyday "How did I let a piece of me slip away, how could of I been so blinded to the point of leaving her alone in the cold and dark forest of life".
I feel stupid, useless, like a blank piece of paper that let other's scribble and write my choices for me. I lost it ALL, in vain.
She probably hates me right now, she doesn't smile at me the way that she used to, maybe she doesn't even miss me anymore. She moved on, and I'm proud of her of her for doing that in a way.
Ok, the truth is that I'm crying like a baby just to the thought that maybe i lost her for good.
There is so much I promised to do with her, we promised to travel together and go to raves around the world, we would taste the adventure of life together, and when the roller coaster ended we would sort out life side by side, and someday grow old.
Maybe it's to late to say I'M SORRY, but I can't stand the thought that I'll never see my baby again, that I won't have my angel by me to wipe away my tears and make me laugh and smile, to text me and say I'm fat but cute in a way, to take me around Porto taking pictures and exploring our youth, I can't accept that the one angel that I really consider a part of me is gone, the one who accepted me for who I am and didn't care about what I wore or witch piercing i decided to put next.
I'm frustrated I left my birdie fly away, and now she found another "person" to be with and adapt with, but one thing is certain that her new "person" will never love her and care for her the way i do! I FUCKED UP, I'm so angry at myself, I let my pride slip away, I didn't stand up for what I wanted and needed, shes gone. And there is nothing I can do about it then hope she'll trust me again and give me another chance.
I'm trying I swear I am, fuck other people if they loved me they would understand me, and see her the way I do, see how good she does to me, I NEED HER and i believe she feels the same , deep down.
There isn't a day I don't miss her, I just wanna hug her and show her how much I care for her.
Every precious moment that we passed, I can still remember the first time I meet her, it was the 31st of October, I just had came from a Halloween rave in Porto Rio and I decided to start talking to her to ask her if she went, we talked and talked ad that same day we met near the Castelo do Queijo, we went over to a friend of hers house,we talked and smoked and I can remember how high I got, later that night she called me because she went to see Spor in HardClub, and after that we went together to Tantrum Desire, Gtronic, etc, etc.
I admit I fucked up but I won't stop, I can't let her go, I'm not leaving her, I want my angel, and I wont stop fighting until she forgives me and has me back.
I love her, I always did and I always will.
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